Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my poor anus
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
