i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
