I wish my penis had an off switch
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
