just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
