You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
