guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
