What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
