had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
