"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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