Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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