Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
