Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
