i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
