So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
