he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
