Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This house was built for laser tag.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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