Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
