I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
