Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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