I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im holly from the hills drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
