I can tuck mytits in my pants
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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