This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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