Will you blow on my dice?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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