This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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