took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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