Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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