Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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