Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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