But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the raccoons are back...
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