It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sext me about skeletons
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
