Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
