Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
