Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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