Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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