That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
