i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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