Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I understand Curling. That high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
