So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
