a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
