Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
