babies were throwing up all over the place
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
