lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
