So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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