Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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