I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found the puke drawer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
