we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
