I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
