In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
