i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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