I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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