He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
