I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
