Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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